Ultra Men's League Confidential

Every week myself along with Nemmy, Scotty, and Bress over at the 2 Man Advantage interrupt your Friday with bad stories from our men's league careers. Please remove all sharp objects from the room. We are also joined by GetKristiLove over at 2 Minutes in the Box. Her 'Women's League Confidential' still has that new car smell while the 2 Man Advantage is a Chevy Truck and the Mundane is that '89 Chrysler LeBaron with brown matte finish and a door painted a different color.

Ankle Benders Anonymous

The Bears are on a 3 game win streak. I had my best outing of the year so far despite registering no points. I had several opportunities and mucked it up in the corner a bit. I switched back to a wooden stick, which I think helped my stickhandling ability. I can't seem to keep the puck on my stick with these new one piece composite things. 2 Man Co-patriot Brad McGann scored his first goal of the season, an empty-netter that put us up 2 with 30 seconds left. Brad then remained on the ice and allowed the other team to come down and score, so that his goal would also count as a GWG. Fantasy owners were happy to pick up the extra points but Vegas suspected foul play and was considering an independent investigation into the matter.

That's all for this week. I'm going on strike tomorrow and heading down to Costa Rica. Brittney Spears is down there with her dad and Mel Gibson. I'm hoping to catch a good Brittney crotch shot photo to help pay off my school loans. Does anyone know how to solder a telephoto lens onto a Sony digital camera? Where's a french-canadian garage mechanic when you need him?

Re-Enactment of Bobby Knight Half-time Speech

Bobby Knight Re-Enactment Half Time Inspirational Speech

The Original:

Boz Scaggs Video of the Week

He's more than just the Lido Shuffle.

Courtney Cox Video Show Down Week One

It's the first game of the new season!

Toad the Wet Sprocket is taking on that guy with the hair who had that annoying Mr. Jones song. His name escapes me now. Counting Crows, that's it! You'll have to forgive me. 5 bucks a half hour at the coffee shop, but I'll be damned if I'm going to give the blogger union a reason to go on strike (see panic button). Freaking unions. You know it costs a community about 100,000 dollars to fire a suck ass blogger?! That's why I'm voting Republician. I wish there was one running for President. Ha ha. But lets not spoil the mood.

You're vote counts in this video showdown, if no where else.

Cattle.

(Damn! Sorry!)





Help pick the winner! Get the best Courtney Cox video this week to the playoffs!

Ultra Month Observations

Some things I've noticed lately.

1) Skip Bayless is an absolute toolshed.

2) That new Dockers commercial in San Fran has a really catchy tune.

3) Fact: 80% of people with Herpes contract the disease from people who aren't showing symptoms. What about the other 20%?

4) I'd like to see the NBA go to a sudden-death overtime system.

5) Everytime I see a Volkswagen Vanagon I think of the Libyans killing Doc Brown in Back to the Future.


*Update from last week's observations. As luck would have it, Boz Scaggs is coming to DC next month and the local radio station is giving away "A Night With Boz Scaggs," which includes dinner, front row seats, and a ride in a limo all night. Their trivia question today was, "In which country did Boz Scaggs' solo career take off?"

DC City Council Passes Resolution; May 6th to be Washington Capitals Day

The DC City Council, including former mayor Marion Barry, announced recently that they had passed a resolution making May 6th 'Washington Capitals Day.' Council member Gray is my favorite (he speaks around the 5:00 minute mark). He looks like a character out of the French Connection or that guy that Rocky had to collect money for in Rocky I.

'Ultra' Picture of the Day

A special thanks to our electronics department! Keep up the good work guys!

'Ultra' Men's League Confidential

Every Friday myself along with Nemmy, Scotty, and Bress over at the 2 Man Advantage bring tales of Men's League hockey straight to your living room. This week, we have the special privilege of being joined by Kristi from 2 Minutes in the Box for the all new "Women's League Confidential." This merger makes Microsoft-Yahoo look like 2 rival lemonade stands that decide to join forces. 2 Minutes in the Box is Manon Rheaume on steroids and the 2 Man is tougher than lindy ruff's goatee.

Ankle Bender's Anonymous

Last week I reluctantly came out of retirement and played goalie for our men's league team. I had so much rust on my skates that I left dark red streaks along the ice everywhere I skated. I don't even think that guy Hans from the pro-shop in the Mighty Ducks would have been able to grind this stuff off. Since the game started at 11:30 I informed my teammates and the ref that I was not allowing the other team to ice the puck, so I sprinted after pucks all night to prevent it from crossing the end line. We were playing this team, the Wolves, that takes themselves very seriously. They all have matching jerseys and socks, for one, but most importantly, they have their own website. Please check this out, and make a point of going to their team store, because it is insane. I bought a Wolves Messenger bag and plan on using it as a puck bag for our squad next time we play them. We won 4-3. The first two goals on me were dog shit, but once I started to get my balance and timing back, I started to get in the zone. I sustained a late flurry in the third, including stopping a breakaway as time expired. I'm not sure if this will prompt a renaissance in my career, but it felt pretty good to get the job done and as a result, I am not ruling out a full-time return to the net for the fall season.

I am in the process of searching for a retro Wregget-esque neckguard as we speak.

TUM Futures Latest Casualty of Sub-Prime Mess

(AP) New York - People began to dump shares of TUM futures this morning as ratings continue to plummet and the promise of IPO earnings looks bleak. Shares of the panic button remained steady and rival CEO's Splotchy and Distributor Cap experienced heavy volume trading in anticipatory thought of a possible buyout of the once popular Mundane franchise. Look for a consortium of high-risk stake holders to buy low and hope for a recovery. Modest and low risk investors have shifted their investments into 'Who's In Charge Here,' widely considered to be the U.S. treasury bond of the blogging world. When reached for comment at his home on Duck Pond Lane, Mundane co-creator Executive Sous Chef R. Alan said: "Where some see a Mundane Investment, I see an Ultra Penny Stock."

How it all ends (not fast enough apparently)

Part-time Contributor Kevin Saisi Attends Oregon Conference; Improves Oxford County Medical Reserve

Oxford County Medical Reserve Corps (MRC) Unit Coordinator Kevin N. Saisi returned Saturday, April 12th with a suitcase filled with literally reams of information to assist in the development and sustainability of the Oxford County unit. Saisi attended the 2008 Medical Reserve Corps National Leadership and Training Conference in Portland, Oregon. Also attending the conference were Kathy Knight of Northeastern Maine Medical Reserve Corps and Kymara Lonergan, RN of Southern Maine Medical Reserve Corps . The keynote addresses were given by RADM Steven K. Galson, Acting Surgeon General, RADM W. Craig Vanderwagen, Assistant Secretary for Preparedness and Response, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, and Richard Hatchett, MD; National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, National Institutes of Health. The conference brought together government and non-governmental organizations, public health, preparedness/response and volunteer management experts, and other community-based MRC leaders for a 4-day knowledge sharing, leadership, and training conference. The conference agenda reflected an array of topics in public health, preparedness, volunteer management, and other areas of MRC-related interest.

MRC units are community-based and function as a way to locally organize and utilize volunteers who want to donate their time and expertise to prepare for and respond to emergencies and promote healthy living throughout the year. MRC volunteers supplement existing emergency and public health resources. They include medical and public health professionals. Community members can fill key support positions. MRC units are provided specific areas to target that strengthen the public health infrastructure of their communities by the U.S. Surgeon General. The overarching goal is to improve health literacy, and in support of this, he wants the MRCs to work towards increasing disease prevention, eliminating health disparities, and improving public health preparedness

In Maine, the Medical Reserve Corps program is coordinated through Maine CDC with six units in the state. Each unit is self-managed with support and guidance from the state and federal level, including a regional coordinator out of the Public Health Service office in Boston. Oxford County MRC is in the developmental stage with a number of teams being formed throughout the county. Saisi is working with various agencies to develop these teams in preparation for any major emergency that may occur. As the teams are established, volunteers will be sought. All volunteers will undergo screening, training and (when appropriate) credential verification. More information on Oxford County MRC is available at www.oxfordcountymrc.org.

The Office of the Civilian Volunteer Medical Reserve Corps (OCVMRC) is headquartered in the Office of the U.S. Surgeon General. It functions as a clearinghouse for information and best practices to help communities establish, implement, and maintain MRC units nationwide. Aside from the annual conference, the OCVMRC sponsors hosts a Web site, and coordinates with local, state, regional, and national organizations and agencies to help communities achieve their local visions for public health and emergency preparedness. Information on the national program can be found at www.medicalreservecorps.gov.

Ultra Month Observations

Some things I've noticed lately.

1) I am annoyed by people who use semi-colons in email messages

2) Self-proclaimed "gamers" over the age of 40 are perhaps the strangest group of people in America

3) Harrison Ford has an ear ring

4) "It's fine" is my least favorite expression in the English language because it inherently means that everything is not fine. "Whatever, it's fine." No it's not.

5) Why do "walkers" - those devices used by old people to help them get around - almost always have tennis balls on the front two legs to help them slide along the floor? Let me get this straight. We have successfully split the atom, but we are still at the mercy of manually cutting an incision into a tennis ball so that it can properly fit onto the leg of a walking device?

6) I don't know much about the music of Boz Skaggs. But I feel like he's someone I'd like to have a beer with.

Ultra Month continues with the After school viewing special: Superman (1942)

Does anyone remember watching these?

Ultra Basket for Oberst

Executive Sous Chef R Alan Posts New Panic Button Post by using Bloggers beta pre dating posting tool

See

ultra monkey pee

'Ultra' Men's League Confidential

Every Friday myself, along with Nemmy, Scotty, and Bress at the 2 Man Advantage fill everyone in on our men's league hockey careers. The 2 Man Advantage is the Jeremiah Wright of the blogging community.

In celebration of Ultra Month at the Mundane, this week's MLC is presented in new Ultra format.

*Only acceptable at participating stores. May not be combined with other offers. Void where prohibited.

Ankle Bender's Anonymous



I did a google image search for ankle bender and this came up.

I didn't go to my game last weekend because I was visiting my grandfather in a rehabilitation home in Connecticut - he's a little bit crazy and he falls a lot but you put the Red Sox game on and talk about the Knights of Columbus and he's fine.



The Knights of Columbus Building in New Haven

This sounds more mundane than ultra, I know, but stay with me because there were some hockey related moments. For instance, the guy in the bed next to my grandfather - in between telling me about how he used to make dentures for a living, including his own - also told me that he knew the Drury's. I only met Ted and Chris a couple of times, but Nemmy and I went out drinking with Jim (the middle brother) one time in Burlington, Vermont. We were up there coaching a team and probably should have been incarcerated for drinking a dangerous mixture of Seagram's and Snapple during the games on the bench. The night ended when Nemmy and I almost hooked up with two figure skating broads who lived at the Bridgeport rink and are still there....right now.



The other hockey related moment came as I was drinking a coffee and waiting for my train to arrive in New Haven when Mike Richter walked into the station. He's getting a MA degree at Yale and coaching the goalies. I think he may have been heading down to NY to see the Ranger game. What a great time to be a goalie at Yale.



We've got a game on Sunday night. Our goalie can't make it, so they asked me if I could play. I still haven't responded because I don't really want to play goalie anymore and I don't want to set the precedent that I will play whenever they need me. I'm not sure if I should say I don't have my equipment anymore or play goalie and get frustrated because I suck now. I read the new chapter to Ken Dryden's "The Game" recently where he expresses the same frustrations I have. He never wanted to play goalie again after he retired because he knew he would only get worse. Instead, he played defense and showed mild improvement for the rest of adult life.

Ultra Music Festival 2008

Every year, everyone in New Jersey between the ages of 18-28 apparently goes down to Miami for the "Ultra Music Festival." This is what happens.